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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26487796">Business AU Shenanigans</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mzu_muffinmunchkin/pseuds/mzu_muffinmunchkin'>mzu_muffinmunchkin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>South Park</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Business AU, F/F, F/M, M/M, Major character death is Kenny ofc, Multiple Genres, Swearing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:15:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,125</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26487796</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mzu_muffinmunchkin/pseuds/mzu_muffinmunchkin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>We follow the day to day lives of the characters of South Park... but in the Business AU. The Business AU is an AU I created on my Tumblr, mzu-muffinmunckin. I can't draw all of the ideas in my head so I'll write it out instead! ^^ Each chapter will be a different story focusing on a variety of characters, I'll say what will be in each chapter in the notes. They'll all be pretty short tho. (More tags will be added the more chapters I create)</p><p>It's basically a lighthearted AU where the characters are 15 years older so they can on their own businesses. Most of the fourth graders work for Craig and Kenny, some for Cartman, some don't even work for a main corporation or at all-- There's a lot of characters involved that all do different things and it's difficult to summarize it all in a summary, so it's easier to understand if you go through the "#business au" tag on my Tumblr. So this is mainly for my followers there, hello! xD</p><p>No consistent update dates and I'll only post if I have something</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Author's Note</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This is my first AO3 fanfic and I'm pretty excited! Please bare with me. xD</p><p>Like in the summary, each chapter will be focusing on different sets of characters and random occurrences that happen in their lives. It's a collection of short stories! The tone are usually lighthearted but they'll be some serious stuff here and there. I'll be writing like you already know what this AU is because it's for my Tumblr so I won't be giving lots of background information. I'll be writing in 3rd person! There is continuity and characters remember events in previous chapters. Most chapters will be pretty short, but we'll see about that!</p><p>I hope you enjoy my homies :^D (I'll write more formally in the chapters themselves xD)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Sick Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Stan tends to a sick Kyle.<br/>Characters: Stan and Kyle<br/>Pairings: Style, if you interpret it as such<br/>Genre: Hurt/Comfort</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's just a fever lol xD</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sound of the doorbell echoed throughout Kyle's apartment room. Ringing obnoxiously in Kyle's ears, he covered his head to muffle the sound. It doesn't stop and his headache worsened. Kyle begrudgingly got up from his bed, put on his green trapper hat, and slowly made his way to the front door.</p><p>Looking through the peephole, Kyle saw his best friend since grade school awkwardly waiting for him with a plastic bag filled with what he assumed was canned food. He wasn't surprised to see Stan, he had texted him earlier that he was coming over to take care of him. Kyle sighed, he was irritated that Stan rushed through his work to visit him. But he was even more irritated that he came over even when Kyle told him not to. It was clear that Stan cared a whole lot, and Kyle knew this very well. But there was no way Stan would ignore his best friend when he needed help.</p><p>Kyle unlocked the door and opened it, the orange color from the sunset filled up his hallway. Stan greeted him with a smile, it was the same smile he always gave him, but his eyes were filled with worry. He entered his home and locked the door behind him. "How are you, Kyle?"</p><p>Kyle sniffed, "Stan, I told you that I'm fine."</p><p>"You clearly aren't. You look terrible, dude," Stan referred to Kyle's sickly appearance. Kyle thanked him sarcastically. "C'mon, I'll help you get back to bed."</p><p>"It's just a fever, it's not that bad. You don't want to get sick yourself, do you?" Kyle said dismissively.</p><p>Stan shook his head in response, he put his hand on Kyle's shoulder but made sure not to get too close. They didn't say much as Stan guided him to his bed to rest.</p><p>Stan sat down beside his bed, "How do you feel?" He asked him again.</p><p>"Fine." Kyle answered, his head facing the ceiling. He wanted to change the subject, "How was work?"</p><p>Stan shrugged, "Same as always, I guess."</p><p>"Kenny's not mad about you blasting through your work so fast?"</p><p>"Nah, you know how cool he is when it comes to his friends," Stan said. Kenny's accepting nature was something Stan and Kyle liked about Kenny, though they both equally felt bad about not accepting him back long ago. They were surprised that Kenny welcomed them into his company so easily.</p><p>"Yeah, I know," Kyle nodded. A few minutes of silence passed, it being broken when Kyle let out a cough.</p><p>Instantly, Stan checked to see if he was okay, "Do you need anything, Kyle? I have chicken soup in my bag."</p><p>"No thanks," Kyle refused.</p><p>Stan though to himself for a moment, wondering if there's anything could do. He gently placed his hand on Kyle's forehead, checking the temperature.</p><p>Kyle flinched slightly from the sudden touch, turning his head to look at him. Stan would have already known that he would feel warm because of his fever, so there was no need for this action. Kyle didn't question it.</p><p>"I'll get you a wet towel for your forehead," Stan told him before he left to the bathroom.</p><p>Kyle listened to the water running in the bathroom, he frowned at himself as he blew his nose. How long was this going to keep on going? Why does he end up in unfortunate situations like these, Kyle is happy on his own being the one who helps. That's why he assumed the role of Kenny's secretary.</p><p>He had a dislike for being babied like this ever since he was young. His mother especially worried about him daily, he knew she loved him dearly, but it was exhausting. It must be hard for his parents to be apart from their sons. Kyle didn't want people to worry for him, for his and their sake.</p><p>Stan returned to his room and sat down on his bed beside him. He gently placed the cold towel on his forehead, "There you go." Stan smiled.</p><p>"Thanks, Stan. I'll be good on my own for now," Kyle assured his friend.</p><p>Stan had noticed his behavior before he even came over, since they've been chatting over the phone. "Are you sure? Does anyone else know you're sick?"</p><p>"Besides Kenny, no," Kyle answered.</p><p>"Not even Ike?"</p><p>Kyle shook his head. Stan frowned, "Dude, what if you get seriously hurt or something? You need to tell Ike, or anybody else for that matter. You don't have to deal with this alone!"</p><p>Stan went to hold his hand to comfort him, but Kyle moved away, "You'll get sick, too, Stan."</p><p>Stan lowered his hands to rest on his own lap, his face flushing from embarrassment.</p><p>"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, I'm a grown adult," Kyle defended.</p><p>"I know that, Kyle," Stan looked at him with concern, "It's just that... you need to let people help you sometimes. The day before you called in that you were sick, I saw how stressed you were from the work that day. You said it was nothing and didn't accept my offer to help you, I just got... worried, y'know."</p><p>Kyle's face softened from his mask of annoyance, he felt bad for wanting Stan to leave him alone. Stan cared about him so much, he finished work early and came to take care of a him when he was sick. Kyle sighed, "I get it, I'm sorry."</p><p>"Don't apologize, you're the one who's sick," Stan responded.</p><p>"No, you're right. I just want is to prove that I can handle myself. I'm the vice chairman's secretary! I should be working instead of sulking in this room," Kyle gripped onto his bedsheets tighter.</p><p>"Don't blame yourself for being sick, Kenny is handling everything well."</p><p>"That's a good thing that he's doing okay," Kyle sat up, "But what's the point of me being there if he's fine without me?"</p><p>Kyle looked down at his hands, "The reason I didn't tell Ike that I was sick was because... he also happens to be doing well without me now. I don't want him to bother himself with the same thing you're doing for me right now. I don't want him to know that I'm incapable of doing things on my own."</p><p>"Kyle, you are capable," Stan kept his hands to his side, "They rely on you all the time, as a secretary and as a brother. You're great on your own, but it's completely okay to ask for help. I'm here for you, dude."</p><p>Stan smiled warmly at him once more. Kyle smiled back.</p><p>Kyle coughed briefly, "Excuse me."</p><p>Stan shuffled through his plastic bag and took out canned chicken soup. "You want some? My mom used to feed me this whenever I was sick."</p><p>Kyle laid back down on his bed, the smile not leaving his lips, "I'd love some, thank you, Stan."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oops, I didn't mean for this to be hurt/comfort right off the bat. Oh well, that's what my mind wants! :^)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Not Safe for Work</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kenny is determined to find the reason for why he’s been dying in a pattern lately.<br/>Main focus: Kenny<br/>Side Groups: Hell, C&amp;K Corp. +2 more<br/>Genre: Mystery, Humor</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don’t beta read my fics btw xD I took group and character suggestions from my Tumblr for this one and came up with a story to connect them all. I’ll say who suggested them at the end of the chapter. The title is a just a lil gag LOL</p><p>Since this one is a mystery I’ll tag certain characters when I post the next chapter. It’s a bit obvious but *burps*</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The ding from the elevator to Hell can be heard around the palace walls. The doors slowly opened to reveal the lively tune the passenger of the ride requested should be played. That passenger was Hell’s most frequent “visitor,” perhaps even more so than Satan himself.</p><p>Kenny McCormick, the vice-chairman of renowned C&amp;K Corporation. No one knew of Kenny’s constant deaths and revivals besides a select few, and even they don’t take it as seriously as they should. Kenny found it disheartening but he’s grown to live with it.</p><p>When he was child, Kenny befriended Satan and eventually his son and they began to welcome his presence. Soon enough, Kenny was gifted an elevator ride to Hell whenever he died.</p><p>Kenny stepped out, noticeably more tense than he normally would be when he arrives. The elevator dissipated behind him, he would have to wait until he was allowed to wake up alive again. He navigated the red halls that were lit up by Victorian-esque candles, they were dim but Kenny learned to now be afraid of the darkness and ominous aura of the Underworld. Although, the dark sunglasses he was wearing didn’t help with his sight. But he wasn’t taking them off anytime soon.</p><p>His gloved hand pushed open the large door into Damien’s domain. A large golden chandelier hung above him, at least he wouldn’t have to worry about that falling and violently crushing him with its weight. And then suddenly exploding.</p><p>Kenny went up the long stairs and faced yet another oversized door. He assumed that they were this size so Satan can fit through when he still resided in Hell. But before Kenny can open the door himself, it rapidly whisked open and bumped Kenny in the nose.</p><p>He loudly winced in pain and covered his nose, quickly remembering that spirits don’t bleed anymore. Yet he can still feel hurt, quite an unfortunate circumstance.</p><p>“Oh! Terribly sorry, are you alright?” The voice of the person who opened the door asked with worry.</p><p>Kenny was able to recognize this person instantly, he stood up and adjusted his shades. “I’m okay, Pip. Can’t be worse than being blown up, right? In the bad way I mean.”</p><p>Pip laughed awkwardly, confused by his comment.</p><p>He was honestly surprised that Pip still cared about his well-being, as Kenny and most of the fourth graders took part in his constant bullying when he was still alive. Pip was a kind soul that never really stopped caring, they were at least on better terms now.</p><p>Pip smiled at him and they continued to walk through the halls to get to the main room where everyone else was. Pip made sure to always greet Kenny if he wasn’t busy because he knew how painful it was to die gruesomely, but in Kenny’s case it was times a couple thousand. It would be best to console him, Pip believed. Kenny was grateful.</p><p>In no time, they made it to the conference room. The council had finished all they needed to do today.</p><p>There was a long, brown table with fancy chairs. It honestly looked like the group were seated for dinner instead of a place where business matters were death with. In the most throne-like seat was Damien, the infamous ruler of Hell. Damien had hired the only “humans” of his entire establishment, he had befriended them after some time and he was impressed by their talent. The remaining workers were the shadows that Damien manifested.</p><p>There was a floating orb in the center of the table, it was used to eavesdrop on Earthly affairs. While the orb is useful with work and communication, they can’t help but take advantage of it. A part of them missed being alive and breathing the fresh yet sometimes bitter air, but admittedly Hell is a lot more preferable for them. Besides, it’s not a simple process to visit Earth daily after you’ve died. Well, if you’re not Kenny that is.</p><p>Currently they were amused by a redheaded girl desperately shaking a vending machine, her chips had gotten stuck. Kenny recognized her as Sally Turner, nicknamed Powder, one of the people that work for him.</p><p>“She should just smash the glass if it’s going to be stubborn like that,” Damien suggested, Christophe agreed.</p><p>“Spying on my employees are we?” Kenny made his presence known with in a playful tone.</p><p>“Oh. Kenny’s back,” Damien said in a flatly. The others turned their attention to the blond in shades like they were already expecting him. Kenny hasn’t met all of them before they passed on, would they treat him more warmly if he did?</p><p>Kenny and Pip sat on the empty chairs, they had a extra one for Kenny because he appeared so often. He’d insisted that he’d be helpful for carrying information about the world that couldn’t be known through the all-seeing orb. Plus, Kenny insisted that looking through the orb was important to his job as well and it helped his homesickness.</p><p>One time Damien and his council had accidentally spotted Kenny watching “risqué content” in his leisure so they made sure to put a child filter on the orb. Kenny promised that he wouldn’t do that here but they weren’t going to take their chances.</p><p>“Fine, let’s try a different workplace then,” Gregory slid the screen to the next event with his finger.</p><p>The screen displayed Tweek Bros. Coffeehouse. Kenny recalled the day when C&amp;K bought the store years ago, he then wondered if Tweek still bought coffee from there. Would he get a discount or something?</p><p>The bartender, Pete was visibly frustrated with a girl who was trying to order. She had her blonde hair tied up in two buns with pink ribbons and she wore all pink. Kenny didn’t know who she was but she bore a strong resemblance to another one of Kenny’s workers, Millie Larsen.</p><p>“C’mon, just fucking order a coffee already!” Pete had already lost his patience. The audio was slightly muffled.</p><p>“Um... I don’t know,” the girl replied quietly. Pete groaned in defeat.</p><p>“Earth is a metaphorical Hell,” Estella stated.</p><p>“True,” Kenny agreed, “By the way guys, how do you find this stuff entertaining? Don’t you want to watch epic car chases and stuff?”</p><p>“Like ones with a ton of explosions? We live in a place of eternal flame,” Damien waved his arms around, “Nothing can top the awesomeness of this landscape!” Kenny shook his head.</p><p>Pocket shook his head, “Plus, we’ve been through Hell and back already.” No one knew if that was supposed to be a joke.</p><p>“We have a endless supply of movies, too,” Christophe smirked, pointing at the orb. “We don’t have to worry about pirating here.”</p><p>Kenny slumped back in his seat.</p><p>“I almost forgot to ask! Kenny, how’d you die this time?” Pip asked, “If you don’t mind talking about it of course.”</p><p>“... I exploded after I opened a box,” Kenny cringed.</p><p>The council members glanced at each other.</p><p>“That’s the fifth time this week you’ve been blown up,” Gregory mumbled. Kenny nodded.</p><p>Patterns in his constant deaths weren’t common, so this irked him and Kenny would almost feel like it’s deliberate. For better or for worse.</p><p>“Very troubling, any changes in schedule recently Mr. McCormick?” Pocket questioned.</p><p>Kenny pondered for a moment, “Nothing worth noting, I’ve been doing my job as usual. Meetings, papers, all that boring stuff. Hey wait, can’t you just use the orb to find the reason why I keep exploding?”</p><p>“It’s not a baby monitor, we can’t watch you 24/7,” Christophe was quick to shoot him down.</p><p>“But it could help just a widdle bit,” Kenny begged. “All you gotta do is watch me for a couple of seconds! Pretty pleaseeeeee with a bright red cherry on top?” He tried to go for a pitiable pleading face, not that they could see through his shades.</p><p>The council exchanged glances, Kenny admired how they were able to communicate without speaking at all. “We’ll say yes if you never ever say that in front of us again, you mangy irremovable earwax clump,” Estella scowled.</p><p>Kenny jumped for joy. “WOO-HOO! I knew I could count on you guys!”</p><p>Suddenly, a ding could be heard around the palace. It signaled that Kenny’s elevator of temporary mortality is ready to bring him back to Earth.</p><p>“Oh shit! I’m going to be late for my meeting!” Kenny ran in the direction of the elevator, “The next time explode, tell me the deets!”</p><p>The sound of the giant door closing echoed throughout the room.</p><p>“My bet’s on Cartman,” Damien said without a lick of hesitation.</p><p>Christophe agreed, “That man is aware of his deaths, he’s always suspicious.”</p><p>“Are you still mad about him killing you? I understand,” Gregory frowned, not a fond memory.</p><p>“I’m fucking pissed,” Christophe clenched his teeth, the cigarette in his mouth had great resilience.</p><p>“Well, aren’t Mr. McCormick and Mr. Cartman still friends?” Pip scratched his cheek in bewilderment.</p><p>“We’ll have to wait and see who has a vendetta with him,” Pocket turned his view to the orb. “I personally believe it’s that berry fellow.”</p><p>Estella snorted, “Mintberry Crunch?”</p><p>“I don’t know, I just can’t trust him,” Pocket shivered.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Kenny laughed at another one of his worker’s jokes. It helped him relax despite knowing that he could combust at any moment. He still kept a lookout and was ever so cautious. But Kenny could at least trust one of his friends.</p><p>“Thanks, Jimmy. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that,” Kenny smiled.</p><p>“No problem, Kenny!” Even if Kenny was wearing shades, the shine in Jimmy’s braces were still noticeable when he grinned. No matter how unprofessional it may be, formalities were not needed at C&amp;K.</p><p>“By the way, can I show you my new p-p-project idea?” Jimmy handed him the portfolio.</p><p>Kenny took it, “Sure thing!”</p><p>“Sweet! I just know that it’s going to be a b-b-b-blast!”</p><p>Kenny opened the folder, but before he could respond a blinding flash of light clouded his vision. It was a split second of pain before he kicked the bucket.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“That was fast,” Gregory cocked an eyebrow at Kenny’s exhaustion when he opened the door.</p><p>“We weren’t even fully notified that you had died!” Pip claimed.</p><p>“What the hell just happened to me?!” Kenny was out of breath when he asked, yet the fear of the answer overtook his need to breathe.</p><p>“Explosion. Your head blew up in pieces,” Damien said bluntly. “Because of your ‘friend’ Valmer.”</p><p>“There’s no way he tried to kill me on purpose. I admit that I’m not that close with him like Clyde, Token, and the rest of his friend group but I know he wouldn’t kill me.” Kenny denied. “Besides, didn’t you turn Pip into a firework before?”</p><p>“That’s irrelevant!” Damien shot back, “I’m still atoning for my that!” His voice heightened in pitch whenever he was angry. Pip pat Damien on the back to calm him down.</p><p>“Ah, sorry,” Kenny apologized, “I just can’t believe that Jimmy would dislike me enough to murder me.”</p><p>“He did just that, you permanent bloodstain,” Estella said condescendingly. Kenny collapsed on the empty chair and sighed in grief.</p><p>“You don’t always know people as well as you may think, they could be two-faced! On the right half you see their seemingly innocent smile, but the left half could be hiding a sinister glare!” Pocket warned.</p><p>“Again with the berry guy?? Ça suffit! We know it’s not him,” Christophe facepalmed.</p><p>“You never know! And it brings the most gnarly of goosebumps!” Pocket panicked.</p><p>The ding from the elevator.</p><p>“Your time to depart, as promised we’ll tell you if we see anything,” Gregory waved to dismiss him.</p><p>Kenny hesitantly got up to leave.</p><p>“Oh, and McCormick. Try not lose your head over this,” Gregory kept a neutral expression. Kenny side-eyed him as the door closed.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Kyle, can you do me favor and follow me around for a bit? But from a distance. I need you to scan the surroundings with me,” Kenny requested.</p><p>Kenny had found Kyle and Stan chatting in the breakroom, meanwhile Red was sitting on one of the chairs on her phone.</p><p>“I’m your secretary, that’s what I’m supposed to do isn’t it?” Kenny had given Kyle more leeway, as in he was able to travel freely and do his work wherever he wanted. He’d call Kyle if he needed him by his side, like in a board of directors meeting. “But why at a distance?”</p><p>“I’m in dire peril,” Kenny stated vaguely. “Witnesses help but I don’t want anyone I know to get hurt.”</p><p>Stan and Kyle looked at each other in thought, Kenny really wished he had at least someone to do the telepathic glances thing with.</p><p>“Kenny, we were just talking about you. Red told us that she heard from Wendy and Craig that you’ve been slacking off,” Stan explained. Kenny asked for clarification, Kyle and Red said “yeah” in unison.</p><p>“I, uh, it’s hard to explain. The thing I told Kyle is the reason for that.”</p><p>“That you’re in dire peril?” Stan said confused.</p><p>“Yes! I don’t know why or who, but I don’t wanna believe it, but I think it might be-“</p><p>Before Kenny could say who it was he was interrupted by his name being called.</p><p>“Kenny! We’ve been looking all over for you!” Jimmy exclaimed. Timmy was by his side.</p><p>Kenny jumped back in shock. Everyone was puzzled by his fear, for a moment they were reminded of Tweek. Kenny relaxed, believing that with the amount of witnesses a crime simply couldn’t be committed, “Hey Jimmy, hey Timmy. Do you need anything?”</p><p>“Last time I tried to show you my p-p-project idea, you said you ‘needed to be gone in a f-flash.’” Jimmy quoted.</p><p>Perhaps he was just being too paranoid, he could trust Jimmy. He doesn’t remember, right?</p><p>“Here it is,” Jimmy handed him a differently colored portfolio. “Funny story, the original file d-disappeared. Luckily Tim-Tim had a copy.” Jimmy smiled, the smile was a more gleeful one than the one he had given Kenny right before he died.</p><p>Kenny shuddered thinking of that moment, his hand shook as he took the portfolio. He made sure to back away from everyone as he opened it.</p><p>No explosion.</p><p>Kenny sighed in relief, “Oh thank goodness.”</p><p>“You’re welcome, very much!” Jimmy responded, thinking that he was talking about the project.</p><p>Kenny closed the folder after he briefly looked through it, “Alright! This folder will be safe with Kyle. I need to rest for a bit.” He handed it to his secretary and walked to the seat in front of Red.</p><p>“You seem tense,” Red said sarcastically with a smirk.</p><p>“Wow, you can tell?” Kenny turned the chair with his foot. “What are you reading?”</p><p>She looked down on her phone, “Something about the multitude of explosions around this area.”</p><p>Kenny gasped, “Wait, tell me more!” He sat down on this chair to listen, but a sharp pain ripped the spirit right out of his body.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Most of the council’s laughter could be heard all around Hell. “Your ass got blasted!” Damien couldn’t contain himself.</p><p>“Holy shit! Holy fuckin’ sheet!!!” Christophe’s accent thickened when he laughed.</p><p>“Can’t say it’s my first time,” Kenny admitted. He was more concerned with Jimmy. He’d by now noticed that ever since Jimmy requested that Kenny should discuss plans of a new transportation method for the city with him at the start of the week, he’d been dying the same way every day.</p><p>What did Kenny do? They’ve been friends ever since they first hired Jimmy, so why now? Was Jimmy jealous of Kenny’s popularity when it came to telling perverse jokes? No, that’s one of the things that helped them get along. Did Kenny hurt him in some way? Kenny wouldn’t do any of that on purpose.</p><p>When the council calmed down, Kenny asked them if they saw anyone placing bombs. They told him that the orb only showed them what they know, as in it they can’t just make the orb show them who placed the bombs because it’s all-seeing, not all-knowing. Kenny compensated for this and instead suggested to watch Jimmy instead. Just in case he was ever caught in the act of doing the crime, which Kenny really wanted to doubt.</p><p>Kenny needed to get to the bottom of this fast, there has to be another factor involved.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Kenny practically sprinted to find Timmy, somehow, he was one of the few who were aware of Kenny’s death curse. He also just so happened to be best friends with Jimmy. If there was anyone who could help in this case one of the best options for information is Timmy. Kenny spotted him talking to Red about something, which was also a bonus.</p><p>He could hear Red’s voice, “They didn’t say much in the article, just that there were in the weirdest places.”</p><p>“GUYS! I gotta ask you something real quick,” Kenny panted.</p><p>“We’re listening,” Red raised her eyebrow.</p><p>“Can you tell me more about the bomb situation? I need to ensure the safety of my employees,” Kenny said, determined.</p><p>“Kay,” She read off her phone, “As I was saying, there’s been unexpected explosions around C&amp;K and the area around it, really small ones. Like sparklers, nothing harmful like a bomb. They believe it might be used to strike “fear” into us or something.”</p><p><em>Sparklers?</em> Kenny thought with disbelief. <em>Were the deadly ones intended for Jimmy or me in particular?</em></p><p>The board of directors had apparently been trying to deal with this situation all week, but Kenny had been too busy being deceased to deal with it. They searched the entire building but someone is allegedly adding new ones after one had been set off. It can’t possibly only be one person, though.</p><p>“Thanks, Red,” He turned his attention to Timmy, “Um, do you happen to know ‘what’s up’ with Jimmy? Anything out of the ordinary?”</p><p>“What?” Red interjected, “Is he going to prank us again?”</p><p>Timmy typed in his communicator, which spoke for him when he needed it to, “No. He’s been acting normal.”</p><p>“Not mad? Not vengeful? Not expo-” Kenny interrogated to double check.</p><p>“Timmeh!!” Timmy exclaimed, knowing what he was hinting at. Kenny took that as a no and didn’t press on, he was relieved that Jimmy wasn’t a suspect in Kenny’s book anymore.</p><p>“By the way, do you know where he’s headed at right now?” Kenny knew what he needed to do, if this mystery person was aiming to harm Jimmy after all, then he’s going to have to warn him ASAP.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Kenny sprinted across the halls for a second time, he was channeling his inner Mysterion. He’d arrived in the cafeteria before Jimmy could get there and hid underneath the counter. Kenny awaited for the perpetrators to get there and place another fatal bomb.</p><p>Soon enough, he heard quiet shuffling in the ceiling above the tables. The vent opened, and a long stretch of white fabric gracefully fell down from it, acting as a makeshift rope.</p><p>A man with slicked back hair slid down the rope, landing safely on the ground. Half of his face was concealed by a mask. He singled up to the vent and another slid down, holding a bomb. A blond, muscular man that looked a bit familiar to Kenny, but he was wearing a mask over his mouth as well so it was hard to tell.</p><p>Kenny took out his phone to record the upcoming crime scene. He squinted his eyes and noticed that it wasn’t just any fabric. It looked sorta like... toilet paper?</p><p>“Josh, can you believe how the boss keeps mixing up bombs with sparklers?” The blond man scoffed.</p><p>“It’s quite humorous, how could a mistake such as that be made?” Josh stared up at him with his wide eyes.</p><p>“That’s not going to work on me, how would I even know?” The blond handed Josh the bomb as he unhatched one of the ice cream dispensers.</p><p>“People always know more than they’re letting on,” Josh said as he placed the bomb in the container. “Romper Stomper disabled the cameras, right?”</p><p>Kenny’s recording hand shook in anticipation, the heroic and bold side of him was aching to jump up and stop them dead in their tracks.</p><p>“Yeah,” the blond leaned his arm on the ice cream sign as he waited for Josh to finish connecting a couple of wires. “He said he wanted us to sneak some of the ice cream here for him.”</p><p>“Rocky road?”</p><p>“Definitely,” The blond snickered, “You think Romper would still eat it if we stuck it up our asses like fat boy did to smuggle when they were in prison together?”</p><p>Josh chuckled, “We’ll see.” The blond stopped laughing.</p><p>“You almost done, Josh?”</p><p>“Almost, it’ll detonate right on Valmer like an unfortunate little bird on a broken telephone wire.”</p><p>Kenny sit around anymore and sent the recording to Kyle for future investigation. Bravely yet recklessly unplanned, he jumped up on to the counter, “Stop right there!”</p><p>The blond and Josh promptly turned to his direction.</p><p>“You! I knew I’d bump into you again, you backstabbing bitch!” The blond angrily yelled out.</p><p>“Huh?!” Kenny’s eyes widened.</p><p>“Look at me, closely,” The blond pulled down his mask, “I’ll make sure you never forget this face, like I never forgot about the fire ten years ago!”</p><p>“Shit, Trent Boyett?!” Kenny’s resolve dropped in an instant, he and the rest of his friends were still afraid of what he was capable of even until now.</p><p>“Trent, now’s not the time for personal vendettas, we need to get out of here!” Josh reminded him.</p><p>Trent glared daggers at Kenny, “Watch your back before I snap it, McCormick.”</p><p>They both rushed to climb the toilet paper from the vent, they were pulled up by a third person before Kenny could reach them. Kenny sighed, that could have been a lot worse, he was glad to at least know who was placing all these bombs and sparklers.</p><p>Hopefully everything would go back to normal now. Kenny would have to text the board of directors and Damien about what just happened and clear things up.</p><p>When Jimmy finally arrived to the cafeteria he had brought Frances with him to get ice cream he assumed, Kenny warned them about the ice cream and all was said and done.</p><p>Kenny could use a day off.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, beneath the city lie the secret tunnels home to the city’s crimes.</p><p>“I’m beginning to think this Valmer guy is immortal. Whenever we place the bombs in places that we know he’ll go to, out of no where he gets interrupted and never goes for it,” Romper Stomper said with a mouthful of Rocky Road ice cream, “Let’s call this deal off. The universe is on his side.” Trent and Josh stood beside him frowning.</p><p>Nathan slammed his fists on his desk, making the a pen roll off the table. Luckily being caught by right-hand man, Mimsy.</p><p>“<em>Fucking</em> Jimmy Valmer.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks to onixbullhorn, my-nostalgia-is-horror, toffeemochabear, and beetlevinyl for suggesting the Foreign Kids, Kenny, Special Eds, and Jail Boys respectively! ^^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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